Four years ago, City2Surf was the first race I ever ran.
I didn't sign up because I was brave. I signed up because a few people believed I could- before I believed it myself.
I was still anxious & excited. Standing at the start line, looking around at everyone who seemed to know exactly what they were doing, thinking (one more time) "am I supposed to be here?"
I finished. Slowly. Not really sure how. But I finished, because they believed I would.
This year, I'm back. For the 4th time.
But I'm not just running anymore.
I brought people with me. Some of them had never run 14km in their lives, standing at that same edge I stood at four years ago, not sure they belonged. So I did the one thing that got me across my first finish line.
I believed in them. Out loud. Until they could believe it themselves.
We even made our own tee. Something that said: you're part of this. Today, we're a team. And everyone loved them — not just our crew, but other runners on the course too, stopping us for good chats and fun the whole way through.
And this year, something else was different. I felt happier out there. More fun, less pressure - no torrential rain like last year, and no gripping the way I used to.
Because I've learned something over these four years. The first few, I was trying so hard to prove I belonged that I forgot to enjoy it. This year I finally let go. I just ran. And it was the best one yet.
The scared woman from 4 years ago is still in there somewhere. She never fully leaves. She just gets quieter each year I prove her wrong.
And this year, she wasn't wondering if she belonged. She was making sure everyone else knew they did.